i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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