You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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