Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
