are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
