I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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