Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
