I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
