Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
