when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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