fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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