Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
