Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
