Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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