with your own penis?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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