i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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