I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
