Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need to calm my uterus...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
