My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
and you fell through a lawn chair
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
