why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
