How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
