Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
