we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
