Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
