we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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