Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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