If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its about making memories worth repressing
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
