I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
