he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
