Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
