I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
