I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
