Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My life is pants optional.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
