think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
