My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
