At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
its liver damage thursday
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
