It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
