She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
