It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
