Duck Duck Cougar?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
