Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
