i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
