Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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