my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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