first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
