The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
