This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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