I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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