Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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