Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
