i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
