i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
