did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
