it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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