I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
