Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
