I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
