please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
