There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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