I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
