Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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