Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
