Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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